Until earlier this year, American Prairie had leases to graze its bison on seven allotments in Phillips County, Montana. However, Doug Burgum, the secretary of the interior, who owns a ranch in neighbouring North Dakota, has favoured the arguments of cattle farmers eager to graze their cow herds on cheap federal lands instead.

Cow Demons are ontologically incapable of making a good decision. They’re the worst political faction and use of land in Colorado, even including the evangelical death cult recruiting nuclear missile officers at the Air Force Academy. It’s very fitting that the most iconic American food is the most self-destructive thing we could eat.